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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

The case before Ms Justice Denise Brett is expected to last six days

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After lunch, I decide to take a stroll by the Shannon River. It’s so peaceful there. I sit on a bench, just watching the water flow. I think about life, you know? How I’m just an accountant in this little town. But then, I see a bunch of kids playing. They’re laughing, having a blast. It hits me—life’s too short to stress over numbers.

PICTURES | Big night in Longford library as Benny Reid's launches his new book